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moth

ohio one

Posted by courier5 on 2007.05.20 at 02:35
Current Location: ohio
Current Music: side liner
yeah. i guess this only sorta works. it doesn't really fit in my lap. the keyboard, that is. i'm trying to keep i on my knees. maybe this will work. i wish i could keep this chair. it's such a good one. yeah. indeed. indeed. indeed. i wish i could. because it's nice and really fucking comfortable. yeah. i feel weird physically. yeah. probably a lot of it is the strain i put myself through today with hiking 7 miles on like no food. and little water. and then all the allergy stuff on top of that. i have to say that i'm a bit nervous about the whole digestive thing too, because it's been off. my bowels are weird. but that might just be traveling stress and eating differently and not doing oil-pulling. yeah. indeed. indeed. indeed. i'd like to do something. i'd like to digest a little. yeah. indeed. i would.

i've been going through all my journals. old ones that i have here, anyway. yeah. and it's been weird. in two days i've witnessed myself cheating on eliza with paige, going through all that shit with paige and her own infidelity, recovering from the wreck, moving back to prescott, playing with katie and jessica, lusting after caroline, being "in love" with rebekah, hitting on bethany, pining over catherine and zeynep and...yeah. and on top of it, it's all like "i'm a four, i'm a four, i'm a four, i'm a four!"

had i known the enneagram it would have saved me so much fucking trouble. not to mention the awkward attempts at archetypal work. man. that shit has been painful to read. still saying things like "the reptile, the scholar, the wayfairer, the warrior" etc. damn. shit. yeah. and seeing things like vanE being channeled, galen being channeled, me calling alan william. mr. beide merlin, etc. yeah. it's painful. to read. i already said that.

yeah. indeed. indeed.

i dunno.

i want to quit my job.

but i can't.

well, i could. but it would be stupid.

yeah. i need the income.

yeah. and i won't find anything better yet.
yeah. i'd rather work from the cushion of this job. it's not totally intolerable. nope.
sure isn't. yeah. i just. yeah.

i think the feeling i'm having now relates more to feeling fed. yeah.
on a spirit and soul level. yeah. so that's not really about quitting my job. it's more about what i do with my time. yeah. indeed. indeed. indeed. indeed.

i think a lot of my problem back in the day was that i didn't have a job, or was working only part time, so i had too much fucking time on my hands, and just spun myself out. yeah. i dunno though. it's all weird there. indeed.

what do i dislike about my job? everything. no that's not true. i dislike the hygiene and the getting yelled at and hit and quasi manipulated. and i hate working with virginia. and the agency is stupid. and the bullshit is bullshit. and i'm pissed about the kristen thing. communication breakdown. yeah. indeed.

so i dunno. i'd really like to just let that shit go for now. yeah. indeed.
because i can deal with it when i get back. yeah. indeed. it's all bullshit. so i need to just let it go.

yeah my jaw is fuctup right now. pretty bad. it hurts. yeah a lot. weird.
course i'm all tense and shit. so it's all weird.

i'm considering seeing if i can transfer my fucking intensive journal over to odal tower. yeah. hmm. cuz i could do some stuff. there. yeah. it would be more integrated. and stuff. so i need to see how the tags are going to work out. indeed. indeed. indeed. indeed. indeed.

yeah. cuz i think the whole generating more paper thing in this case is kindof annoying. yeah. indeed. especially since i pretty much have to do it at home due to the depth of concentration and feeling it entails. so...but i dunno. i mean. for reels. it's sorta weird to think about doing it online, innit? yeah. but there was that one dude who did it. or does it. yeah. it might be cool. indeed it might be. indeed. so when i post this thing, i'll have to see if i can do the tagging thing on my comm. yeah. indeed. i bet i can. yeah...if not i'll just make a new journal. yeah. indeed. i'd rather not do that though. but if i did, what would i call it? fuck me, i dunno.

so...

yeah. i'm fucking tired. yeah. and sore. yeah and horny-ish. i think. yeah. i'll be glad as hell to finish the fucking journals, b/c that part is getting exhausting. i'm glad i'm doing it though. it's important.

maybe i should be a private investigator.

but i don't like the law.

so probably not.

yeah. it'd be funny though.
i'd probably be pretty good at it.
and make up to like 52.000 a year.
that'd be nice. hell. verra nice.
i wonder.
fuck. i dunno.

yeah i dunno. it's all weird now. really all weird now. i'd like to something. but that could just be something else like the fourish whatever.
yeah.
i dunno. i need. something. i want to something. yeah. i think it's all weird. yeah it is. it is all weird. indeed. intseed. inside the times it's all weird in the rush of my heart.